Just fuck everything and run for the exit…

One morning, around 4 o’clock I woke up suddenly from my sleep. I found myself engulfed in a deep and inexplicable sadness. While standing in the dark, after a while I felt how a sense of relief washed over me, thinking about the prospect of my death.

If I die,  the sadness, the uncertain future, and all it’s questions that define the uncertainty of the future will be all gone. No more: will I ever heal ? will I ever bare children? Will we have the means to raise them? Will they have summer times to spend with their grandparents in Transylvania and Moldova? will I manage to make a career? will I have a pension found? will I have enough money for my cure? wonder what did my last CT show?

Life requires so much physical and mental effort to cope with it. At night, when all simplifies, death seemed to me like an emergency exit from life. Breathlessly, suddenly I understood how so many friends, diagnosed after me, lost the battle of cancer. The idea of an exit from the stage of life is such a sweet temptation. When placed in front of it, with so many uncertainties populating ones mind, is would be so easy to let go of life, just fuck everything and run for the exit…


1 Comment

  1. Nu exista viata nu exista moarte exista doar momentul. Inteleg prin ce treci.

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